The Toxic Truth: Youths & Relationships That Are Slowly Destroying Us

It’s heartbreaking, honestly. 😔 Too many Nigerian youths are stuck in relationships that are doing more harm than good. From the heated arguments to the little insults that add up over time, the signs are ALWAYS there. But we ignore them, hoping things will magically and miraculously get better. But let me tell you this – *they don’t and won’t *

So why do we stay? A huge part of the reason is SOCIETY. We’ve been taught that love means putting up with everything and anything, no matter how much it breaks us down, no matter how much it hurts us. 🙄 Especially for women – we’re told to endure, to make things work, because what will people say? They’ll call you "unstable" or "a failure" or maybe it’s a “generational curse of unstable relationships and marriage” if you walk away. But is that the truth? No. It’s not.  

Then there’s the money. 💸 For a lot of people, leaving isn’t easy because they’re financially dependent on their partner. It feels like the unknown is worse than staying, but let me tell you – staying in a toxic relationship is far worse. You deserve more like moreeeeeeee.

But here's the thing: abuse isn't just about hitting. It’s about those little things that break you down every day. It’s the raising of the voice over nothing, the constant insults aimed at your looks, your career, your ambitions, your brand or your future. 🗣️ It’s the public embarrassment when they humiliate you in front of friends, colleagues or strangers, making you feel worthless. It’s the constant criticism that chips away at your self-esteem. That’s all toxic too. When they talk down on you, make you feel small, or insult your efforts – that’s emotional abuse. And it’s just as damaging, if not more, than physical violence and abuse. 💔  

Let’s talk about gaslighting– one of the most toxic, mind-bending experiences in any relationship. 🧠 It’s when they make you question your reality. They twist your words, avoid taking blame, and make you feel like you're the one at fault when you're not. Make you feel like the problem is YOU. They’ll deny things they’ve done, and before you know it, you’re wondering if you’re crazy for even feeling upset. It’s emotional manipulation, and it's dangerous.  

Another huge red flag is control. When someone tries to dictate who you talk to ( stop talking to this person , I don’t like that you talk to this person; ni kiniiii), where you go (you can’t be out past this time, you have restrictions to places you can go) or what you wear, that’s not love. That’s control. If you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, scared to say the wrong thing or trigger a fight, that’s a huge huge red flag. Relationships should never make you feel scared, but empowered, free. You should feel at home in your relationship not constantly trying to guard how you behave or react to something to avoid problems.

And then there’s the advice you’ll get from well-meaning (but misinformed) friends and family( sometimes advice wey you no actually send dem, advice wey dem no fit take). There’s always that one person who’ll say, “It’s normal, everyone goes through it,” or “It’s just one of those things.” And then there’s family who’ll tell you, “He’ll change once you’re married, or once you have kids.” 🙄 No, I said it – that’s foolish advice, very foolish one at that. Time won’t fix toxicity. Neither will a ring or kids. If it’s toxic, it’s toxin – and you don’t need to keep making excuses for it.  

Here’s the thing: you have yourself, your brand, your career, and your future to build. And let’s not forget – you might have kids of your own, or even unborn kids, depending on your future, you have so many people attached to your fulfilled destiny. Do you want them to see this as normal? Do you want your kids growing up thinking it’s okay to settle for anything less than the best? Leave for your own peace and if you really do not care about your peace please leave for the sake of your future and your kids’ future. 🚨  

And to my girlies and ladies – your self-esteem comes first. Stop pushing yourself onto anyone just to feel validated. Girllllll have you seen you? Your worth isn’t defined by a man or anyone’s approval. 💖 True confidence comes from within. Don’t chase anyone who doesn’t appreciate you for who you are. Focus on building yourself( take courses), build your career, and your passions. When you stand strong in your own worth, the right people will come into your life.

If you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s time to face it. Abeg don’t wait for a miracle. If you want things to get better, pray for strength – but do it from outside the relationship. Don’t wait until you’re completely broken or even dead. You are **not** a test subject, and you’re not a lab rat for someone to manipulate. Your peace, your mental health, and your future matters more than staying in something that’s only dragging you down.  

We’ve been conditioned to think toxicity in relationships is normal, but it’s not. It’s destructive. You do not have to endure it. If you’re in a relationship that’s hurting you, you have the power to leave. Your peace is priceless. Walk away and save yourself. You deserve to be loved in a way that uplifts, you deserve to smile genuinely, you deserve to speak and be heard, you deserve freedom and joy and not tears.💖

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